A Very Tommy Birthday Me and Chris got a shit load of people together for Tommy's 19th birthday party. We even found this one kid, Josh, that refused to wear shirts and shoes. We managed to get Tommy's family from Kansas to drop by just to kick it with us. They seemed delighted to be here. They also seemed like pirates. As soon as Travis walked in with his "I'm a winner" shirt we knew this party was going to be bonkers. When he wears this shirt you always know two things: a) some wild shit is about to go down or b) it is a weekday. Tommy was being a real bitch. He didn't let us eat cake until we played party games. Thankfully, Josh still refused to put on a shirt. The first game we decided to play was "If you have ever made out with Vanessa Brown at a frat party smile at the camera like a fucking idiot." This game ended pretty quickly. That's when we broke out the Yahtzee. After we finished playing these terrible games, Tommy let us watch him open his presents. He got a Mickey Mouse trumpet, a few rocks of crack-cocaine, and a Hasbro Skip-it. Tommy's favorite present was from his internet friend, Greg The Pedophile. Tommy was so happy after Greg gave him a several little things in a small plastic bag. Finally, after enduring one of the weirdest parties ever, the birthday boy cut the cake. We all took a slice and went to our rooms and left Tommy to clean up the mess. The party was an overall sucess except that our R.A. JJ didn't show up. We later found his ass passed out in the other suite reeking of vodka, vomit, and urine. And then... The End